Relationship Resolutions

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Relationship Resolutions

Dr. Cohen, Psychologist. Plantation, Florida

Relationship Resolutions

It is normal in a relationship to wonder what the future holds. We can’t predict the future, but we have some control over what happens though our actions. Relationships are complicated and uncertain territory.  Maintaining a deep level of closeness and intimacy is a difficult aspect. It can bring us to our greatest sense of pleasure and fulfillment and our deepest feelings of vulnerability, fear, and anger. The following are 5 important resolutions that can give you and your relationship the best chance of maintaining that loving feeling we have when we first realize we are falling for another person:

1) Focus on small acts of kindness
Work on being generous with your partner. Being generous is an ongoing feeling we foster within ourselves that allow us to remain connected to one another. Its about the little things with your partner. Offer your partner a kind look, a supportive smile or a gesture of acknowledgment. It is common for partners to be comfortable with each other and begin to withhold interests or affection. If we truly love them, it should be reflected in our behavior. This can be reflected by engaging in acts that they would perceive as loving. These acts should come with no strings attached. Doing acts of kindness ignites a spirit of generosity in our partner that creates a more natural give and take relationship.

2) Pay attention to the inner voice that creates distance
We all contain a critical inner voice. This voice is there to undermine our happiness and can try to sabotage the relationship. This voice can warn us not to be trusting, to be jealous, or to be suspicious. These inner voices put us down and constantly remind us how we aren’t good enough. Our inner voices grow from the negativity we experience from the day we are born. Take time to notice how this inner critic creeps into your relationship. If you let it effect you, it can shut you off from your partner. Learn how to differentiate this “voice” from your own, real point of view. Don’t let if convince you that you’re foolish to be open and vulnerable to another person of that you’re unworthy of love.

3) Be aware of fantasies you may form
Robert Firestone coined the term “fantasy bond” which describes an illusion of fusion that couples form that replaces real love. As you fall in love, you see each other as two independent individuals. As time moves on, they may replace these feelings of love for a sense of safety and security. To maintain safety and security, couples begin to make rules for  each other that they believe will protect their fantasy bond.  However, these rules begin to suffocate the relationship and control it. When we regard our partner as a separate person, we appreciate and enjoy them much more for who they are.

4) Help your partner feel secure
Many couples loose sight of their relationship because they focus on themselves and not on their partner. “What am I getting or not getting from my partner?” “How is he or she making me feel?” Take a step back and also consider their perspective. Instead of always focusing on ourselves, we should try to think of ways we could be more outwardly loving Put your arm around them move or agree to keep your cell-phones out of bed. These little acts of kindness and affection can go along way.

5) Be willing to be vulnerable
All of us want a loving relationship but we aren’t always used to being treated kindly or with affection. When you value another person it brings up a lot of sadness about the preciousness of life. Getting what we want can actually remind us of the emptiness we once felt in not getting it in the past.

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